Balconies add value to buildings, because they give you an opportunity to be simultaneously outside and inside your house. You seem to be at home, in your gown, and at the same, on the street, observing it from above. A balcony serves also as a place, where you can luxuriously sip your morning coffee in the fresh air. Because of these advantages, Russians are particularly fond of balconies. See how eccentric is their love for this architectural addition.
1.Have A Balcony But Have It Slant
On this balcony, you can create an illusion of zero gravity. Whatever objects you put in it, they will be always sliding and toppling over. You yourself will be gliding and skidding, and feeling dizzy, just like in space. Like in space, physical dimensions are irrelevant on this balcony: can you ever guess what level it belongs to? Or there is an even more pertinent question to you: how can you ever access this balcony, from what balcony door exactly?
2.Dictionaries Lie About The Definition Of The Word
Russians show that a dictionary's definition of a balcony as "a platform enclosed by a wall or balustrade on the outside of a building" is glaringly incorrect. In Russia, the word "balcony" can mean "a platform outside of a building." Walls and balustrade are ornaments that are highly redundant. You can perform all your usual activities on the balcony such as resting and breathing in the fresh air pretty well without these superfluous details.
3.The Size Does Not Matter
Really, when it comes to balconies in Russia, the size does not matter. It is what you do with them is what counts. And you can do so much with this balcony, however small it might look from the outside: you can stand on it and stretch yourself in the morning, you can stand on it and smoke your cigarettes, you can stand on it and drink a cup of tea (provided you do not like to have a tea companion). Most importantly, you can enjoy your solitude on this balcony as thoroughly as nowhere else in the world.
4.Hide And Seek Games
If your family members are looking for their bicycle, let them direct their energies at something else. It is hidden under the balcony as securely as if it were locked in a safe. Like Poe's purloined letter, the bicycle is hanging in the most visible place yet remains totally invisible for those who seek it. The only trick is to direct their attention away from the balcony, when they are walking outside. Do not ever let your family members look up and discover what they have long thought irredeemably lost.
Balconies in Russia might easily remind you of other utilities. Built vertically rather than horizontally, they look more like telephone booths suspended from a building. These balconies make you think that Russians have their personal telephone boxes in which they talk undisturbed by other people waiting to use a public telephone. The dizzying height at which these telephone booths are suspended make the gathering of other callers around them impossible, which gives you a rare sense of privacy allowing you to carry on as intimate a conversation as no public phone will let you have in other countries.
In Russia, you can also fancy yourself nobility living in Europe during the Middle Ages and build yourself a castle in place of a balcony. Your balcony will thus stand out with its curtain walls and arrow slits and will be seen from a far, scaring your enemies away and allowing you to control the local populace and important travel routes to a nearby supermarket. Fortified with gatehouse and moats around it, the castle balcony will also serve as a symbol of your power and will easily impress and dominate your landscape and neighborhood.
Balconies have not only a variety of shapes in Russia but they also differ in their functions. Sometimes you neither sit on them, no give speeches from them, nor even sing from them. Instead, you utilize your balcony as a storehouse for building materials. Put to such use, your balcony not only makes your house less messy but it will also force anybody who wants to serenade you to think twice about giving you this complimentary performance. Standing underneath such balcony, a lover can easily get a brick hitting his head for singing a note incorrectly.
8.For Your Eyes Only
Balconies in Russia can also be so classified that they will not be intended to be available to anybody at all, not even to a specific set of users. These balconies require such strong protection of confidentiality, integrity, and availability that no one is trusted to enter them. What you are allowed to do with them is only to look at them from a distance, being forever doomed to have your dream of standing on them unfulfilled.